Civil War Journal Entry

Dear Journal,

Today the Union army followed General Ulysses S. Grant and Major General George G. Meade toward Cold Harbor in the state of Virginia at Hanover Country on May 31- June 12, 1864. There were cannons flying and bullets everywhere. All I saw were bleeding men in Grey an Navy Blue uniforms lying on the floors. I was very terrified when a Confederate soldier ran toward me with his musket ready to fire. I am only 16 years old, what do you expect me to do but, run? So I ran as fast as my long legs could run behind my fellow Union group allies. One asked me why I was running and I simply replied that the Southerner was chasing me down. Another asked me why I didn't shoot them and I replied that I am afraid. I really shouldn't have said that because they all started yelling at me for not shooting them!
Will people ever understand, why I don't enjoy shooting? It's because I do not like killing people, it is kind of scary to see your own bullet hit someone and they begin falling on the floor bleeding while screaming in pain. Especially if a cannon dropped right on them, they won't even be screaming probably. In the distance I heard the Confederate General Robert E. Lee, my spine began to tingle when I heard that low, husky, bossy tone of voice when he gave orders to his army. So, like you would guess, I ran again. I really don't appreciate running away from them because I feel that I am useless and a waste of space in the military if I don't help but, I am just too scared to try. After the battle, everyone was tired out, and all I saw was dead carcasses lying on the floor everywhere I went. As we marched back to the regiment to rest, since we didn't sleep for days, my boots squished and squashed on the wet, reddish-brownish grass. That is simply all I have to say for today, I am too tired to write anymore. I will write to my journal again next time but, in the meantime, goodnight!

John